i know im a pretty funny lady but sometimes there are things that i can be serious about. i know you all know about my car accident a few years ago, it is something ive often joked about stating it is the reason for my silly? witty? inappropriateness. in reality my accident was one of the most sacred, amazing experiences of my life and lately ive been feeling like i should be more because of it.
after it happened everyone said, 'you must have been saved for a reason, you must have something important to do here' and i found myself asking, why? why didn't i die? why am i not more damaged? what is it that i was saved for? i remember when i woke up in the icu after being life flighted to LDS hospital feeling the spirit stronger than i had ever felt in my life. throughout the days and weeks that followed i continued to feel it but gradually it dimmed as the moments passed. i remember saying to myself that i never wanted to loose that feeling, to never do anything to loose it and yet i sit here now remembering those moments and know i have lost so much of the almost overpowering spirit i once felt during those precious moments a few years ago back in the hospital.
i feel so blessed to have had this incredible experience but am saddened that i have not let it shape me into more of the person i know Heavenly Father wants me to be. i am sad that i have let that light dim rather than doing all i can to ensure it is with me every moment of every day! i know that it wasn't my time to go back home to our Heavenly Father but as i think about the precious moments i have been given since then and all the moments i still hope to have, i hope that i can live a little better, remembering the gift i have been given and be worthy to say when i do finally go home, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."
i guess as i reflect on it all maybe i wasn't saved for some big amazing reason like being relief socitey president of america but rather simply to take deep breaths of the moments i still have and try to be a better me, to raise my girls to be incredible daughters of our Heavenly Father and help keep Casey out of trouble. hopefully none of you have to go through getting hit by a car yuckiness to see how precious yet fragile each moment is and how blessed we are for each day to try to be a little better!
7 comments:
You know Cali... you're an incredibly fun person to be around. You're an extremely witty young woman. I have a son so like you in that respect. He's like the pied piper. People flock around him to hear his casual banter and to be entertained. He can bring laughter into any size room and to any number of people. It's a gift.
But, there have been times when Dallin let his humor define him. He began to believe at one point, that was all people liked him for. Not true. And there were also times he resented friends and co-workers for not looking deeper and recognizing the wisdom that he'd worked so hard to earn. Times he felt like he was being used as a court jester.
My unsought, and most likely not particularly wanted advice to you(and him)is this: You have the power to hold people in your hand. Once you have them there, you can pretty well get them to follow your moods, your ideas for what to do with the evening, or your philosophies... But, as much as it's a gift, it's also a responsibility. Use it wisely. There are times you can use it to bring people to the point that they're listening, and then you will have the opportunity to share something of import and value.
And many, many times, it'll just be a dadgum good time full of craziness, giggling and making the load a little lighter by being outrageously goofy. Enjoy all of the moments, Cali. Those totally lighthearted, wacky, fall off the chair laughing times... and those when the tender whisperings of Heavenly beings that surround you will fill you with the softness of a soap bubble and the radience of a buttercup. Your life will be full of many of both types of moments. Wallow in each and every one.
I love that you shared this bit of beauty and depth of soul that is so much a part of you. It's what our Heavenly Father wants us to recognize in you. That's why you were given the gift of being clever with your words, and the ability to see the fun and silliness in everyday living. Because that draws people to you so that you can share your wisdom along with your witticisms. The song, "Just a Spoon Full of Sugar" is so true. Your sense of humor does help the medicine go down.
You're a lovely goddess in embryo and a marvelous mom. You are eactly where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to be doing. I know that your Heavenly parents are as proud of you as those of us on earth who know and love you are!
Cali- I have never heard you share that before! It is Sunday morning and as I was reading your thoughts I thought to myself, what a great way to start the day! I know I can always count on you to make me laugh and smile; but I also know I can count on you for a meaningful and rich friendship that I don't get to experience with just anybody! I love you so much and want you to know that your laughter and humor is just a part of who you are! I know inside of you there is somebody who strives to live the gospel and become better each day! I love you Cali!!!!
It was fun running into you at the park and catching up today. Your family is very cute. Love the blog, keep it up.
thanks for the post..it really touched me and made me think.. i like you lots!!!!
I think that many of us have felt like this at different times in our lives. That we're not quite who we need to be. Not doing as much as we should be doing. There are different seasons in everyone's lives. In this season of your life you are a mother and a wife and a friend. Those things you are succeeding at. I think the fact that you are looking and yearning for that same intense feeling is a sign that you are on the right track in life. Keep it up! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You are an awesome lady!!!!
Oh Thanks so much for sharing that. I just love you. I am so blessed to know you and have you in my life, life is just more fun with Cali. Hey I made my blog private but I want to invite you so will you email me at jadegibb@gmail.com so I can send you an invite. Thanks!
Cali, my friend! I remember the day when I heard the news of your accident. Thinking about it now gets me teary eyed! I didn't know what the world would be like without Cali! I also remember being able to spend some time with you when you came to CA. I am also amazed on how fast you recovered and how strong you were thru the entire thing! I always wondered if I would have the same faith and strength that you had going thru that. Cali, I love you! and I know you are meant for greatness! Motherhood is the greatest challenge and blessing in the world! It's amazing the influence we have on the little minds! You are loved by so many people! Love you, Cali!
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